


Go Ahead, Rip My Heart Out

by sclara



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fighting, I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 21:28:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1793761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sclara/pseuds/sclara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The fight had been loud. That’s all he remembered. The screaming, the rage reflecting back at him through those damnably blue eyes, the words that couldn’t be taken back no matter how much he wished he could suck them back into his lungs."</p><p>The world keeps turning no matter how much you want it to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go Ahead, Rip My Heart Out

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry, you guys. I think I need to stop writing when tired, because I either make weird fluff or things that make me wonder why I hate happiness. :-D  
> I hope you don't hate me too much.

Feet stamped the tightly packed dirt in front of him, shuffling a rock between the sole and the ground as if nervous. A hand ran through thick hair and eyes darted around in avoidance. No sound but the wind until—

“Luke, I _need_ you to say something.”

_The fight had been loud. That’s all he remembered. The screaming, the rage reflecting back at him through those damnably blue eyes, the words that couldn’t be taken back no matter how much he wished he could suck them back into his lungs._

“Luke, please…” The words caught in his throat, broke off and died in the silence between them. That silence that he couldn’t reverse.

_He couldn’t remember exactly what had been said, he just knew it had been bad in the way that Luke had stopped dead, stared at him with a sheen in those wretched blue eyes, stared until he turned on his heel and slammed the door behind him._

“Please, I didn’t mean any of it,” his voice betrayed him, trembled with every whisper, begged for a single acknowledgement that it meant _something_.

_He had taken a deep breath, he remembered that much, before stomping after Luke, intent on finishing the fight so that things could get back to normal. But they hadn’t been normal for so long, he wasn’t sure whether they would ever be able to find it again, if he would ever look into those blue eyes and see the love there._

“Luke…”

_He had listened to the sound of Luke’s motorbike racing off down the street, knew he wouldn’t be able to catch up to it, but hurried to his car anyway. He had seen the bike helmet lying on the ground, remembered the many arguments about it. None as bad as today’s, but bad enough that it made his heart pound harder in his chest._

“I need you to tell me that you forgive me,” Ashton’s voice was hardly more than a breath of air now. His legs wavered, wanting to fall but needing to stand, if not for his sake then for Luke’s. He needed to be strong for Luke, needed him to see that he could carry them no matter how far they fell.

_He heard the crash of metal a distance away, knew it came from the intersection not far from their home. He remembered the car crash he and Luke had driven by on the way home once, where a man hadn’t worn his seatbelt and had flown through the windshield only to crash to a stop on the pavement, dead on impact. He had felt horror seeing the blood spattered all over the road, but in the back of his mind he told himself **it was so easily prevented.**_

“I need you to tell me that everything is okay now.” He could feel the tears threatening to fall, wanted to look away but forced himself to maintain his gaze. Stay strong.

_Driving up to the intersection, he saw the chaos building into an inferno. He could hear the sirens approaching on the horizon, but there were so many people already surrounding the scene. He parked his car._

“Luke, please, tell me--”

_As he approached, he saw in the corner of his eye a mangled SUV but a relatively unharmed driver grasping his hair and staring open-mouthed at the center of the commotion. Ashton’s heart thumped wildly, staring at the motorbike crumpled into an almost unrecognizable shape in the middle of the intersection. Almost._

“Forgive me…”

_The sirens were louder now as he approached the group of unrecognizable faces surrounding the mess of blood and glass and metal. All he could focus on were those damnably blue eyes, staring glassy at the stars. Unseeing eyes, no love shining back at him, no fury, no passion. Ever._

Dead.

_The service had been quiet. That’s all he remembered. There had been music, there had been talking, there had been singing, but it was all empty to him. Not the right voices, not the right songs. Luke’s mother had hugged him, and he had hugged her back, but that’s all that broke through until the last of the dirt had been placed on top of the coffin that was supposed to be Luke. But how could it be Luke, when he had never come back to tell him that they were being stupid, to kiss him until they laughed, to smile with those beautiful blue eyes?_

_How could he be gone when Ashton wasn’t ready to let go yet?_

“…Because I can’t forgive myself.”


End file.
